Fake News Avastar ate my Hamster!

Fake News Avastar ate my Hamster!

... and all that remained were the remains of a hastily made sandwich, some tufts of fur and a bottle of ketchup (recently opened).

Evidence seems to suggest that this heinous crime was perpetrated by the monstrous Avastar #10290.

User 0x9..1B18 report that, after a few beers, and some other things, they had been scrolling the newly released series 3 Avastars with Biscuit perfectly content exercising on her wheel, nearby in her cage on the corner of the desk.

0x..1B18 came across #10290 by chance and things started to go weird from there.

“She seemed to leer out of the screen, almost coming straight for me with those hypnotic, unworldly green eyes. The background came to life, almost as it was calculating some evil plan and that mouth was terrifying. The zip seemed to slowly, painfully open to reveal more and more rows of teeth. #10290

As the room started to go black, all I can remember is an aching hunger feeling in my stomach and the very next thing is that I woke up at my desk this morning, to find Biscuit missing and Avastar #10290 smugly staring at me from my screen”.

The family are understandably in shock and have asked other media outlets to be respectful during this time of grief and adjustment.

We have reached out to Avastars/NFT42 for comment

AYFI/OffBlue Gainz used to fund drug fuelled secret society orgy meetings

YFI/OffBlue Gainz used to fund drug fuelled secret society orgy meetings. Kirby Implicated.

Sources revealed this week that prominent figures in the Defi world and high profile celebrities are members of a secretive, Gygas worshipping, coinophile network.

Their bi-weekly meetings are becoming famous in elite circles for their drug fuelled depravity, deviant behaviour and tales of Goomba hunting parties are frequently told in hushed corners.

Our sources reveal that well-known defi personally Kirby has been present at the majority of these meetings and regularly partakes in the “hunts”.

Lario - an italian plumber, contracted to provide facilities maintenance services at these events says he and his brother/business partner have been left traumatised by what they have witnessed.

“Using his gainz from YFIand Offblue, Kirby lords it over the event. He has shipments of Beetleys and Koopas flown in to feed his insatiable appetite. He commands proceedings with an uncompromising lust, eating anyone who opposes or denies him.

Recent attendees Samas Aran and Pappy Van Poodle have been reported missing after they were heard to deny Kirby’s request to enter his very private suite of rooms that he keeps at each event.

Other reports from venues that have hosted these events, suggest wanton deviant behaviour, organised Furry abuse, theft of specific models of toilet cistern and graffiti inciting cheese-wizz worship.

We continue to investigate the aim of this coinophile network, known only as S1MP. and invite readers with any information to stepforward anonymously, messaging @redlioneye or @myphspace with any details.

Some names have been changed to protect the innocent

Where Does Sergei Disappear During the Weekends?

Sergei takes weekends off! Where does he go?

The premier art critic in NFT land has announced that enough is enough!

He needs to rest. 

Speculation is rife now over this week’s big question:

Where does he go?

Some say he can be found walking in the mountains, an existential weekend pilgrimage to discover the true meaning of the red pixel.

Other corners of the metaverse whisper that he’s trying to find the point to all those white on black rendered balls and studying the philosophical musings of the great Pak.

We can reveal, dear readers, that thanks to our extensive network of informants, we have the details.

Sergei is following his passion.

From a young age, after discovering one in an abandoned eye patch factory, Sergei is obsessed with designing and fabricating Spork Vending Machines.

Well known within those circles, albeit under a different name we assume, he has amassed a collection of over 9000 unique examples of the Spork Vending Machine, from its inception in the early 1940s to the most modern Hybrid fueled, Bluetooth enabled SmartSpork machines that we see today.

He has contributed in no small part to the recent paradigm shifts in the industry, for example, remuneration and electric lighting for workers and allowing women within the factory grounds.

It’s is rumored that “something big is coming” within the industry and that Sergei is at the forefront of this change.

Could it be the long-awaited fondue fork/drinking straw combination (The Fraw)?

Only time will tell.

Look out for his latest creations in a cafeteria near you.

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